Dear Drake A.K.A Aubrey Graham A.K.A Jimmy on 'Degrassi',
I have a major boner to pick with you. "You already know though/ You Only Live Once/ That’s the motto N**ga/ YOLO" - The manifest content of the chorus to your catchy song 'The Motto' attempts to convey that since one "only live[s] once", one should perhaps live life to the absolute fullest! My oh my, Jimmy - how very fucking cliche of you. The latent content of your song suggests that life should be reduced to a room filled with a cadre of large titted, phat assed, cocaine filled bitches with pussies that you can drown in ('The Motto', Line 40). All women would be honored to sit on your face! You objectify women and belittle them to pawns in your sickeningly smoke filled world - and white people fucking love it, including me. I froth feminism at the mouth and yet I shake my tits while driving whenever your song comes on Power 106, Los Angeles' Number One Hip Hop Radio Station. I'm a walking, talking, feminist hypocrite. I wrote a ten page paper on rape, chauvinism, and misogyny in British literature last semester while listening to 'I'm on One'. What the fuck is that? Fortunately for you though, this is not a letter about my hipocracy in loving rap music.
I have questions for you, Jimmy. I have questions that need answering. Does YOLO apply to a bat-shit-crazy white girl from Orange County with horrendously hilarious luck? When I sing your song in my best synthesized voice, does YOLO apply to me? When I yell "YOLO" at a party and hold my red cup up to the sky, does YOLO apply to me? When I get two speeding tickets in the same county on the way to San Francisco within 72 hours of each other by highway patrol officers who know each other, does YOLO apply to me? When I pay $525 dollars for said speeding tickets, does YOLO apply to me? When I fall out of a bed at UCLA and break my ankle because I've had too much Svedka to drink, does YOLO apply to me? When I cancel my five week trip to Europe because I can't walk, does YOLO apply to me? When my two travel mates scorn me for fucking up our summer, does YOLO apply to me? When I drive over a concrete island between the 110 and the 10 freeway in downtown Los Angeles, does YOLO apply to me? Answer me, Sir Jimmy Drake, because I'm starting to wonder if perhaps your lyrics are a bit misleading.
I'm starting to doubt the authenticity of your phrase. What exactly are you saying? Are you implying that YOLO-ING, if you will, is a way of life that your fans should follow? Is the YOLO Lifestyle even wholly obtainable by average non-rappers? I am a rapper and I haven't had very much success with YOLO-ING, as displayed above, so I'm starting to wonder if YOLO even works for us smooth flowing rap geniuses. I have two very popular raps that circulate parties and social events very frequently. One is from the perspective of French Neoclassical artist, Ingres: "My lines are so concise/ Antiquity is nice/ And when I'm in the studio I am the damn vice/ I'm RAW/ All I do is DRAW/ Nature is the LAW/ FUCK DELACROIX (pronounced Day-La-Cuah, a rival Romanticist painter). Note: The following rap was necessary to include in order to prove to you, Jimmy, that I am, in fact, a talented rapper.
Perhaps instead of a fucking Parental Advisory Warning on the cover of your blingin' album, you should include a White People's Advisory Warning for Caucasians that use your catchy motto to justify their stupid fucking actions, like me. If I had a blunt for every time I have yelled "YOLO" when it did not apply during fucked situations which I brought upon myself within the past three months, I would have enough blunts to smoke out an entire Sublime concert filled with Huntington Beach bros and hoes. All would be wearing TAP OUT tank tops. All would be fucking high.
So what have we learned here, Aubrey? We have learned that YOLO has helped me perhaps as much as your character, Jimmy, on 'Degrassi' has - NOT AT FUCKING ALL. Stop making it seem like the YOLO Lifestyle is such a ubiquitous thing, and start conveying the potential danger in going HAM, or rather, Hard As a Motherfucker. This leads me to you, Kanye....
Your rap acronyms fucking blow, but in all actuality, I fucking blow more for recognizing them as a hilarious part of our generation and using them so loosely.
Sincerely,
DWB
Disgruntled White Bitch.
(yolo)
P.S, There are existing statistics that state 1 in 10 YOLO-ERS regret YOLO-ING. I am included in these statistics as a regretful YOLO-ER.
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