"I think what Kanye West is going to mean is something similar to what Steve Jobs means. I am undoubtedly, you know, Steve of Internet, downtown, fashion, culture. Period. By a long jump. I honestly feel that because Steve has passed, you know, it’s like when Biggie passed and Jay-Z was allowed to become Jay-Z."
I'm not even going to bother addressing this quote. It serves as a proper introduction for our Man of the Hour, and newly self-proclaimed God-figure, Kanye West. I guess Ye decided that since he finally out-shined Steve Jobs, it was time to move on to the next most powerful guy - God. West's new album is lovably blasphemous, for lack of better interpretation, and though he is "a man of God", will probably only be successful with the hoards of Athiest hipsters who swooped it up at Amoeba three weeks ago when it presumably fell from the heavens. Kanye knows (this term will replace "Lord knows") that the Baptists probably didn't seek it out at their local Walmart. I'd be willing to bet that Walmart doesn't even carry it.
Yeezus is fucking genius, to say the least. As a 'Ye fan, I've accepted that we will never see an album as superb and innovative as Graduation, but as a fan of things that are just plain fucking funny, Yeezus kills it.
Most Hilariously Ridiculous Yeezus Lyrics:
"We get this bitch shakin' like Parkinson's"
I work at a retirement home, so this particular line, not even ten seconds into the first track on the album, called 'On Sight', made me cringe for a bit. I don't even have anything witty or funny to say about this, it just is what it is: An awfully literal description that no one ever thought would one day convey a dancing woman.
"I am a god/ So hurry up with my damn massage/ At a French ass restaurant/ Hurry up with my damn croissants"
The only thing I remember from my two minutes as a Sunday School lovin' little girl was the hot church boys and the Ten Commandments, and I still had to 'Google' them just to make sure God hadn't upgraded them to the Ten Commandments 2.0, or some shit. Okay yikes, Kanye. You pretty much broke the only rule that no one ever fucks with, unless there is a lot of cocaine involved.
Commandment 2: "Thou Shalt have no others Gods before me"
C'mon man, no one messes with this one. People lie, cheat on their spouse, steal shit, dishonor their parents, murder their homies, and forget that it's Sunday all the time, but no one says this:
"I just talked to Jesus
He said 'what up Yeezus'
I said 'Shit I'm chilling
Trying to stack these millions'
I know he the most high
But I am a close high
Mi casa es su casa
That's that cosa nostra
I am a god"
Still - Why do I strangely like the idea of God being Kanye West?
Kanye West is without a doubt the most arrogant modern artist to grace the music business with his adored presence. What I love about these lyrics is that Kanye is essentially rapping to himself. He doesn't give a fuck who hears him, as long as he can hear himself. In a sense, it's kind of wonderful that we get a front-row seat to his personal pep-talk. I like to imagine Kanye self-motivating while wearing a cashmere robe and chanting these lines at his own smirking reflection. He has an erection from looking at such a god in the mirror. We all have our fantasies - whatever.
But seriously Kanye, don't fucking come in here and compare yourself to Michael, okay?
Tie Breaker for Most Hilarious Yeezus Lines:
- "Uh, black girl sippin' white wine/ Put my fist in her like a civil rights sign"
What a prolific image! Dr. King would be so proud.
- "Eatin' Asian pussy, all I need was sweet and sour sauce"
What can I say, the song title, 'I'm in It', says everything. Glad he could bust out the Asian stereotypes on that one.
He must be important if God is featuring on his track. There he goes again, always outshining the Father. Yeezus Fucking Christ.
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