Italy Bound With No Inhibitions

Cortney and I are headed to Palermo, Italy in precisely 21 days. We've been planning this godforsaken mecca to Sicily for like 5 months now, and finally shit has materialized. I might as well get my blogging started now....

We're leaving on June 1 and coming back July 2, so mark your calendars....because according to everyone we probably won't be coming back. Here are two common assumptions as to why cortney and I will not be coming back according to paranoid stoners and old ladies at work:

1. The movie Taken, with Liam Neeson. Thank you, Liam....you fucking bastard.....thank you for a convincing performance. Cortney and I are not going to be kidnapped and sold into sex slavery, unless by choice. I may be pretty ridiculous at times, and not use the best judgement and induldge in impulsiveness at times....but I have a little thing called cobble-stone-street-smarts (i.e foreign country awareness). I have the ability to get myself out of dangerous situations, and I am confident in my italian dick-whacking skills (this does not refer to a sexual act, but rather getting myself out of a sexual act by karate chopping an erect penis). Also, the reference to the movie Hostel is really starting to piss me off.....We're not staying in a fucking hostel anyways. Should I not ever go to Europe because I could potentially be raped, tortured, murdered, and pick-pocketed or all four at once? What kind of logic is that? Logical Bullshit. But yeah guys, look out....I'll be coming back....in a body bag....according to your paranoid mindsets.

Probably the best thing I've heard thus far from a co-worker is this crazy theory: "You're gonna get kidnapped and held ranson for military secrets cause your step-dad's in the army!" Girl, first of all...that's my real dad, and he was a Colonel in the Marine Corps before retiring two years ago. He doesn't know anything anymore. But that's funny.

2. A summer romance with a sexy Italian will prevent me from coming back to America. According to the old ladies at work, I will fall so deeply in love with a mustachioed olive-complected Italian boy that I will stay forever and have millions of babies and live happily ever after on the Amalfi coast. Ladies, do not worry....I assure you that this will not happen. But unfortuantely, I do not know how to back up this claim. I plan on having tons of romance.....WHEN IN ROME BITCHES.


I will say this a million times, and you will roll your eyes: If I can walk around large Australian cities BY MYSELF.....If I can manage a Tokyo train station DRUNK AT MIDNIGHT BY MYSELF.....then I can manage a small coastal Italian city NOT BY MYSELF. I am not a naive American girl who thinks she is invincible. I HAD BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO ME WHILE IN AUSTRAILIA AND JAPAN, and I overcame them.

Shakin' my muddafuckin' head

Cortney and I will have an amazing month, and ya'll need to shut your moufs about my imminent death.